Elder Richard Miller was one of the most influential men I ever had in my life. Like most pastors and elders, he was never famous, and was not very well-known outside of his congregation, but like so many other pastors and elders, he served the Lord faithfully as he served the local congregation that God planted him in, making significant—though often unseen—contributions to the kingdom of God on earth.
Unquestionably the passion of Elder Miller, and the driving focus of his ministry, was marriage, specifically, marriage as defined by Scripture. He was uniquely devoted to searching the Bible, seeking to discover all that the Bible said regarding the covenant of marriage. Not content to just obtain head knowledge, he gave equal intensity to practically applying everything he learned in his own marriage.
Elder Miller’s marriage relationship with his wife Rosalie was the most loving, most pure, and most biblical marriage that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. He had many well-developed insights on biblical marriage that strengthened his marriage, but I believe there are three that were the primary focuses of his teachings, and could also be clearly seen in his marriage.
1. Marriage should reflect biblically-defined love. Our culture loves the concept of love, but has difficulty defining love. Pastor Voddie Baucham summarizes biblical love as follows: “Love is an act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action on behalf of its object.” This definition helpfully demonstrates the selfless nature of love as defined by Scripture.
God has intended for biblical love to be one of the foundational characteristics of the believer’s life (John 13:34-35; 1 John 4:7-8), with biblical love to be most clearly seen and demonstrated within the covenant of Christian marriage. Husbands specifically are called to have a sacrificial love for their wives that reflects Christ’s sacrifice for His people (Ephesians 5:25). This level of sacrifice sees the needs, cares, and desires of the spouse as greater than those of the individual.
Practically speaking, this biblical love is demonstrated in the “one another’s” of Scripture. The husband and wife are to serve one another (Galatians 5:13), comfort one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11), edify one another (Romans 14:19), give preference one to another (Romans 12:10), bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), pray for one another (James 5:16) be kind to one another and forgive one another (Ephesians 4:32), among many other things.
It was impossible to be around Richard and Rosalie Miller for any length of time and not observe biblical love. You knew without a shadow of a doubt that they had sincere love one for another. On a daily basis each of them laid down their lives to serve and support the other, not begrudgingly, but because they genuinely loved one another.
2. Marriage should embrace biblically-defined roles. The topic of biblically-defined roles within marriage is not popular in our culture today. Even within the church there are those that reject the notion that God designed the marriage with complementary roles assigned to the husband and the wife. Elder Miller was committed to complementary roles within the marriage because he saw them clearly in the Bible.
Elder Miller taught that the husband primarily serves his wife in marriage through sacrifice. He believed the Bible taught that the husband was the head of the relationship (1 Corinthians 11:3), as observed in the creation order (Genesis 2:18-24), and required in the household of men who hold office within the church (1 Timothy 3:4-5, 12). But the leadership taught by Elder Miller saw the headship of the husband, not as an authoritarian dictatorship, but as a by-product of sacrificial love.
Any husband who ever had a conversation with Elder Miller at some point in the conversation would have been implored by the faithful elder to “love [his] wife as Christ loves His church”, paraphrasing Ephesians 5:25. His was constantly calling on husbands to lay down their lives for their wives in love (see John 15:13), encouraging them to dwell with their wives with understanding (1 Peter 3:7) and to show them nothing but love, even when they are unlovable (see Romans 5:6-8).
While the husband is to primarily serve his wife through sacrifice, Elder Miller taught that the wife is primarily to serve her husband through submission. He also saw this principle in the creation account (Genesis 2:18-24) as well as in the New Testament (Ephesians 5:22-24). Though many in the culture see submission as demeaning to women, Elder Miller (and his wife Rosalie) saw this as loving, humble service, as well as recognizing its complementary role in the covenant of marriage as designed by God.
The complementary roles within marriage reflect the beauty of the one-flesh union the husband and wife enter in marriage (Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31). As the husband embraces his God-ordained role in love, and the wife embraces her God-ordained role in love, it best equips each of them to humbly work together for the cause of God’s kingdom.
Both Richard and Rosalie Miller fully embraced their God-ordained roles within their marriage. They would be the first to tell you they were not perfect, but the loving and humble ways they accepted their roles and served one another within their roles revealed to me how truly beautiful marriage can be when God’s design is faithfully obeyed.
3. Marriage is a picture of a glorious mystery. Elder Miller’s love for marriage was not just because of how vital it is to our culture, but was ultimately because the covenant of marriage between a husband and a wife is given to us by God as a living illustration of Christ’s covenant relationship with His bride, the church.
Ephesians 5:30-32: For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
The heartbeat of Elder Miller’s life was learning more—and living out more—of this great mystery. He referred to Christian marriage as the “highest modeling expression of Christian evangelism.” The Christian marriage demonstrates to the world love, forgiveness, sacrifice, and sanctification, pointing a lost and dying world to the Lord Jesus Christ, the one who redeems a people unto Himself, “that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:27).
What a humbling realization it is to contemplate that Christian marriage is to model the infinite beauty of the gospel! It is truly a mystery that my fallible marriage is in some way reflective of the incomprehensible love Jesus has for His church, and His costly sacrifice that brought unity between the Savior and His bride.
Writing this article has caused me to think back to what I remember about the life and ministry of my elder and mentor. I remember Elder Miller and Rosalie faithfully serving together on Sunday mornings. I remember observing how they humbly leaned on one another in their daily tasks, recognizing the different strengths and weaknesses they each had. I remember how joyfully Elder Miller would invest in engaged or newly married couples, truly desiring that they would enjoy the blessings of a God-honoring marriage. I remember the heart-wrenching mixture of pain and contentment in Elder Miller when his “sweet Rosalie” passed away after her battle with cancer (note: I’m not sure I ever remember him saying her name without saying “sweet” before it). I remember the internal struggle Elder Miller had on his deathbed, not knowing if he was more excited to soon be in the presence of Jesus or to soon be reunited with his beloved wife.
Elder Miller understood the vital role marriage played in the lives of believers. He was not afraid to teach what the Bible said on marriage, even if it was not popular or well-received. He recognized how blessed he was to have a godly wife that loved the Lord above all else. He was deeply hurt when he saw couples struggling in their marriages, especially when they were too proud to submit to Scripture. I am forever indebted to the life, ministry, and teachings of Elder Miller. I know my marriage has been blessed and strengthened by his impact in my life, and I know his understanding of the Bible’s doctrine on marriage will likewise bless any Christian couple willing to humbly submit to the will of God.